Love Deep

Love deep as the ocean, smile always no matter what, have faith in everything you do.

So many people lose sight of what matters the most in their lives. For me love everyone deeply because God loved us deeply enough to give his one and only son to die for us on the cross. We need to smile through the good times and smile through the bad. Remember it can always be much worse then what is happening. Nothing is greater than love but you can’t love someone without faith in that love. It is easy to forget to have faith in ourselves, faith in others, more importantly we forget to have faith in God who not only allowed us to breathe another day. I have lived my life on both sides the good and the bad. I have never felt more at peace and loved then I do now. I went from being on drugs disrespecting my mother stealing and lying to the people I care about. Getting beating every day just because I said something wrong to him. Now I am free from that life.

The color I would be ice blue not only is it a soft gentle color but it’s also on the icy side as well. I am soft spoken and gentle because I don’t like confrontation but I can be icy as well hard to brake at times and cold to those I feel threating by. Plus I love the color blue but is blue is so pretty and I would give anything to have ice blue eyes. Having ice blue eyes would be awesome. But I can’t help but to think how sensitive my eyes would be if they were that color. My older brother has really light blue eyes and I see how bad the sun hurts his eyes even car lights at night hurts his eyes.  

As long as

For as long as I could remember I have always dealt with everything in my life by using drugs to make me feel better since the age of 15. I also thought it would be cool cause all my friends were doing it type thing. When I had my oldest son who is getting ready to turn 4 in June I wanted to give that up and be able to give him a better life. Well he got taken away from me when he was 3 months old because I got with the wrong person and got worse on the drugs. I finally came to my breaking point and 7 months after he got taken I went to treatment and started on a better path. May 23 2012 is the day I got clean from everything. And to this date I am still clean and sober and going strong. I now have a 9 month old son who I just adore and I have both my boys being brought up in church and showing them that through God all things are possible. I want to be able to raise them right and teach them the important of being married to the right person and having God as the center of the relationship. How seeking god in everything that you do not only gets you far but gives you a life that you couldn’t even dream of. I will be getting my youngest dedicated in March so that he will know how much I care about him and his path in life. I grew up in church my whole life but I never really understand the important of having a close relationship with God.

I now have a 9 month old who I just adore and I have both my boys being brought up in church and showing them through God anything is possible. They love the classes they go to at church and I am hoping that they are making friends that will last them a life time. I know that they are very loving and kind kids that are always smiling and laughing and cracking jokes. One time my oldest came back from his dads and looked at me and said mom my Jesus is in my heart oh so much joy ran through me at that very moment and I looked at him and said yes Alex Jesus is in your heart and he goes My Jesus is in your heart and brothers heart and daddy’s heart and kept going on I think I smiled so much that day it started hurting my checks.

What would you do if you were invisible.

I woke up this morning and to my surprise I was invisible. At first I was flipping out but my kids were off at college and with the way cell phones are now a days you only need you voice to answer the phone. The thoughts of things I could do started feeling my mind of possibilities I could do. Even though I am invisible I still have morals so I wouldn't do anything to crazy. But I would walk around making sure people were staying out of trouble by scaring them from making bad choices. Oh how awesome it would be to actually scary someone straight. Could you imagine the look on their faces when they are doing something wrong and you hear someone say “I wouldn't do that if I were you”, or “How would that make your momma fell knowing you’re doing that”. But then again you should be careful with that because you don’t want to scare someone to death. Oh that would be super bad. I mean could you live with that?  

Happiness

The way I see happiness is to wake up every morning to 2 beautiful smiles looking back at me. Hearing those music words in my ears hi mommy or as my 1 yr old says hi. Seeing their smiles lets me know that I am doing something right in their lives. My 3 yr old looks at me with his big blue eyes and say’s these heart melting words mommy I love you so, so, so, so, so, so, much. I think wow what am I doing to get him to say such sweet words to me. Be happy also means making sure the people around you can feel the happiness beaming off of you. It makes me wonder if I was around when Jesus walk the earth would I feel his happiness beam off of him. Yes today may be Monday and yes most people hate Mondays but that’s ok because I am happy today even though my morning started off pretty bad and I have a massive headache and still have tons to do afterwards. But I have joy in my heart with a ray of warmth from the heavens. 

Story with crazy words

Oh how glorious it would be to take a drive to Kansas. We get into my tank and start down the road. I started off chipper and silly like with my manpanion who was fallacious about the wabbit on loony tones. He was uber about it and his logic was wonky. Indubitably he was freakin annoying me. He knew I was starting to get hodor with the subject and I was feeling blue. He seen it was turning into a disquieting kind of day. Then he became cautious as my last words to him was bet. As the sun was beaming into the window he starts to widdle with his knife with the maroon handle.  The precious cargo in the back seat wakes and was being adorbs as the started talking about the puppy that I got them. My boyfriend warmly put his arm around me which made my day end pulchritudinous.

Stress on life

I find myself in stressful everyday life satiation's and yet in most of them I feel really calm. I had no clue that I was already doing the things that she was talking about. For example, the place where I live dose quarterly inspections and my house is really bad in the organization department. I was stressing over this because I had short time to do it plus with both of my kids on top of that. But I stayed calm and got it done.

I am having a conflict with some girls at church being fake towards me. I would rather them be honest with me and tell me they don’t like me instead of portending that they do care and are willing to be there for me. In all reality I have never in the year and a half that I have been going to this church have ever had people show this so called care ness towards me when I really need it the most. I have tried to ask them to come hang out but get nothing in return. I really am to the point to where I am just going to give up on trying to have friends because I am better off being by myself then being around fake people. But the hardest thing for me to do is let them know how they are making me feel. I have major panics attacks with just the thought of talking to them or anyone about the problem. There is a few ladies that I would love to trust but one seems to only call me when she needs something and I understand with the other two that they have a busy life we all do really. Just once I wish I could make real friends that are females instead of having guy friends. I don’t know why I seem to get along with guys better than I do females.

Sabrina you are just over thinking this and I am sorry that you feel this way but that is not what’s going on at all. The reason you are feeling this way is for the fact that you are holding us to a higher expectation of what we really are. We care about you because we are Christians and that’s what we are supposed to do. If you ever need us just please text or call us whenever and we will answer. And I will be sure to text you and see how you are doing? I will also be praying for you I hope you get to feeling better soon. Remember I love you and I am here for you. I will talk to you later.

As I am here watching as everything goes on I can see what is really being said. This poor girl just really wants friends but her every step gets ignored or pushed aside like yesterday garbage. These girls are lying to her face saying they are there for here but not once made those steps. Oh she is trying to get girls to go have lunch with her and her kids after church but oh wait they all ditched her when she walked away to go get her kids. Poor girl never even had a word said to her. Oh there is that I am better then you and I will prove it girl having a surprised party at her with-out inviting her. 

Some food for thought

My unique approach to this life is a lot better and rewarding then the way it was before. I have more love for the unlovable I care beyond all measures. There is a new love in me that just over flows unto anyone who is near me. I care deeper for the same things in life. What made me go from depression and wanting to end my life to always cheerful and bright and loving my life the way it is now. Jesus the one who gave his life to save mine. Changed me from the inside out.

My thoughts on "The Heart and The Fist"

I think the purpose of the text is to give insight on different aspects of life. Growing up thinking something is one way instead only to find out it’s really not like that. It shows us that whatever we tell our children without further explaining it to them as to why we are saying it then grow up thinking it’s one way instead of another way. Like in the book he was told that in college that’s when life really starts that’s where you learn all lives secrets and then when he got there is wasn't like he thought it was. Then he believed that his hole childhood he was lied too. That makes me think if me saying what I am saying to my kids and if I am stating it clear enough for him to understand it.