Final Blog post

• Which in class writing was your favorite? Why? I would have to say the I believe post. It open my eyes to the things I truly believed in and gave me a better understanding of those things as well.

• Which in class writing was your least favorite? Why? I would say the story with crazy words. were we had to come up with a story using words each member came up with the meaning they used the words for. 

• Review all your writing chronologically (earliest to latest). List three interesting observations or changes in your writing. Which are the most profound (obvious and important)? Why? I notice for one that I am getting better at using my imagination coming up with deeper things to talk about. The second one I notice is that I notice is that I learned to type with using the as said crouch words. And it does make a big difference in your writing. And the last thing I have notice in my write is I can come up with better words to use instead of always using the same old words in everything I write.

• If you could change anything about your writing this semester what would it be? Why? I think I would like to change the fact that I make everything so personal. I mean it's not super bad that I do this but not all my writing has to be all about me.

• What did you like best about this course? I think I like that fact that I was made to think outside of my little box and explore bigger opportunities with my writing. 

• What did you like least about this course? I can say the only thing I did not like about this class was getting up and giving a speech about sex ed. I could of gone all semester without doing that.

• What would you have done differently this semester if you could have a do-over? Been here every day to have all the free writes that were done in class. And to save them instead of just deleting them.

• What did you learn about yourself as a student, a thinker, a writer this semester? I learn that I am not as dumb as I thought and I can write pretty good if I just apply myself.

• What could I, Ms. A., have done differently to improve the course? I think you should just keep being your positive self and to continue to encourage your students like you have done me. Your an awesome teacher and I was blessed to have you as my English teacher this semester.

• You begin this course with an engagement and participation score of an A.  Attendance, participation in activities and group work help you to maintain this grade.  Evaluate yourself and assign yourself a grade for the in class portion of this course.  Don’t forget the reasoning behind your self assigned grade. I would give my self a B overall. Why I feel this way is because I feel I could of made a even better effort on what I was assigned in this class. And maybe I should be more willing to save the work I do even if I don't think it's important enough to keep.

3 versions of There is this person.

There is this person next to me that looks a little older than I am. He is a little on the short side but very sporty looking, so you know he is very well built. He is very unique in a sort of way even though he is very well dressed; his hair is clean cut to the point that it is almost professional. You can see his awesome tats on his arms showing through his shirt selves. He sometimes comes off bubbly, easy-going, and confident with the way he walks tall. He can also be vibrantly cheerful with a hint of nerdy wrapped up all cute like a pretty-boy. I have seat next to him for some time now and he seems shy and conservative and very observant until he boldly spoke out and the way he talk he seemed snooty and spoiled. Until I got to know this guy a little better he ended up being very polite.

This person next to me that looks a little older than me. He seems a little on the short side but very sporty looking, so you know he must be very well built. He also seems very unique in a sort of way even though he looks very well dressed; his hair seems to be clean cut to the point that it would come off almost professional. You can see his awesome tats on his arms showing through his shirt selves. He sometimes comes off bubbly, easy-going, and confident with the way he walks tall. He can also be vibrantly cheerful with a hint of nerdy wrapped up all cute like a pretty-boy. I have seat next to him for some time now and he seems shy and conservative and very observant until he boldly spoke out and the way he talk he seemed snooty and spoiled. Until I got to know this guy a little better he ended up being very polite.

There is this person who sits next to me who seems to be aging faster than me. He seems a little on the smaller side but very hockey player looking, so you know he must be very well put together. He also seems very strange in a sort of way even though he looks very up to date in clothing. His hair seems to be almost military like to the point that it would come off as someone who is more accomplish in life. You can see his awesome art work on his arms showing through his shirt selves. He sometimes comes off goofy, spontaneous, and conceit with the way he walks as a giant. He can also be passionately lighthearted with a hint of dorky wrapped up all cute like a super stud. I have seat next to him for some time now and he seems to be closed off and modest and very watchful until he bravely spoke out and withg the way he talk he seemed arrogant and impaired. Until I got to know this guy a little better he ended up being very gracious.

I believe

There are many things I could say I believe in, but do I really believe in them? I believe having a good attitude will get you far in a day, but that’s just it one day. I believe morals are based on how you were raised, and if you don’t apply them to your life every day, then you were taught them for nothing and pointless to of even tried. I believe you can be influenced into doing anything the other person wants you to do if you have no self-respect for the way you allow others to treat you. I believe what God has written in the bible to be true, and if you completely surrender to his will you can live a joyful life filled with love and happiness. I also believe that living a Christian life is by far not the easiest road to walk down.

The Church’s, that teaches the truth about God’s word, teaches us when we don’t feel like we can go any further, and you want it to end, all you have to do is seek God in prayer and ask him to guide you through whatever it is your having trouble with. I believe this to be true and I have done this on many occasions. Some people may not agree with me about God or anything that has to do with him, but that is ok this is my belief. It’s what I need in my life to help me stay sober, and keep on the right path, and also a guideline on how I need to be raising my kids. Since the day I had submitted my life completely to God my life has done a complete 180 from 3 years ago even a year ago. I can see different parts of my life that had change dramatically and some that still needs work.

My life 3 years ago was a mess. To be honest I wasn’t a good person at all. I stole from my family, lied to them, even choose an abusive guy and drugs over them, even my own child. He got me hooked on meth from sticking a needle in my arm for the first time. He stole 7 months of my life, and 7 months from my oldest son’s life away. He would beat me every day just for opening my mouth and telling him how I felt. One of the girls he was sleeping with behind my back was so drug up that she flipped out on me that caused her friend to flip out and pulled a gun on me. Yes he was crazy enough to pull the trigger and I cried out to God to save me and he did. I believe to this day that God saved me and I don’t know what stopped him from shooting me but from that moment I owed God my life. 3 months later my now ex-husband got arrested went to prison and from there I divorced him and went to treatment. I have been clean from everything for 2 years 9 months and 12 days. I struggled with little things from that point like my sexual attraction to guys key why I now have my youngest son, but from the time I was pregnant with Jaydon I have not had any relationships with anyone of any manner, because God is the only man I need in my life, and my kids life right now.

If I didn’t believe there was something better to look forward too by walking a straight line believe me I wouldn’t be doing it. I need this belief to help me focus on things that need to change; the things that can hold me back from making something out of my life, and making my kids have an even better life. In the Bible God speaks about how a woman should be before she is married. But what most women lack is the understanding of what it truly means in our time. My belief is that through God’s understanding, and my willingness to accept it, I can not only be a good Godly woman for that good Godly man God has created for me, but I can also be that Godly mother God has called me to be.

I struggle with the thought of being loved by the people around me daily. So for me to believe that there is something greater in this world that loves me for who I am is beyond what words can speak. Feeling that love and being willing to accept it is also teaching me that I could love someone who is close to me and be faithful with that love as well. I believe being a Christian has made me a calmer, more open person that is willing to go the limits to shear God’s love to those who needs it. For God first loved me, so shall I love them who don’t love him.

Love Deep

Love deep as the ocean, smile always no matter what, have faith in everything you do.

So many people lose sight of what matters the most in their lives. For me love everyone deeply because God loved us deeply enough to give his one and only son to die for us on the cross. We need to smile through the good times and smile through the bad. Remember it can always be much worse then what is happening. Nothing is greater than love but you can’t love someone without faith in that love. It is easy to forget to have faith in ourselves, faith in others, more importantly we forget to have faith in God who not only allowed us to breathe another day. I have lived my life on both sides the good and the bad. I have never felt more at peace and loved then I do now. I went from being on drugs disrespecting my mother stealing and lying to the people I care about. Getting beating every day just because I said something wrong to him. Now I am free from that life.

The color I would be ice blue not only is it a soft gentle color but it’s also on the icy side as well. I am soft spoken and gentle because I don’t like confrontation but I can be icy as well hard to brake at times and cold to those I feel threating by. Plus I love the color blue but is blue is so pretty and I would give anything to have ice blue eyes. Having ice blue eyes would be awesome. But I can’t help but to think how sensitive my eyes would be if they were that color. My older brother has really light blue eyes and I see how bad the sun hurts his eyes even car lights at night hurts his eyes.  

As long as

For as long as I could remember I have always dealt with everything in my life by using drugs to make me feel better since the age of 15. I also thought it would be cool cause all my friends were doing it type thing. When I had my oldest son who is getting ready to turn 4 in June I wanted to give that up and be able to give him a better life. Well he got taken away from me when he was 3 months old because I got with the wrong person and got worse on the drugs. I finally came to my breaking point and 7 months after he got taken I went to treatment and started on a better path. May 23 2012 is the day I got clean from everything. And to this date I am still clean and sober and going strong. I now have a 9 month old son who I just adore and I have both my boys being brought up in church and showing them that through God all things are possible. I want to be able to raise them right and teach them the important of being married to the right person and having God as the center of the relationship. How seeking god in everything that you do not only gets you far but gives you a life that you couldn’t even dream of. I will be getting my youngest dedicated in March so that he will know how much I care about him and his path in life. I grew up in church my whole life but I never really understand the important of having a close relationship with God.

I now have a 9 month old who I just adore and I have both my boys being brought up in church and showing them through God anything is possible. They love the classes they go to at church and I am hoping that they are making friends that will last them a life time. I know that they are very loving and kind kids that are always smiling and laughing and cracking jokes. One time my oldest came back from his dads and looked at me and said mom my Jesus is in my heart oh so much joy ran through me at that very moment and I looked at him and said yes Alex Jesus is in your heart and he goes My Jesus is in your heart and brothers heart and daddy’s heart and kept going on I think I smiled so much that day it started hurting my checks.

What would you do if you were invisible.

I woke up this morning and to my surprise I was invisible. At first I was flipping out but my kids were off at college and with the way cell phones are now a days you only need you voice to answer the phone. The thoughts of things I could do started feeling my mind of possibilities I could do. Even though I am invisible I still have morals so I wouldn't do anything to crazy. But I would walk around making sure people were staying out of trouble by scaring them from making bad choices. Oh how awesome it would be to actually scary someone straight. Could you imagine the look on their faces when they are doing something wrong and you hear someone say “I wouldn't do that if I were you”, or “How would that make your momma fell knowing you’re doing that”. But then again you should be careful with that because you don’t want to scare someone to death. Oh that would be super bad. I mean could you live with that?  

Happiness

The way I see happiness is to wake up every morning to 2 beautiful smiles looking back at me. Hearing those music words in my ears hi mommy or as my 1 yr old says hi. Seeing their smiles lets me know that I am doing something right in their lives. My 3 yr old looks at me with his big blue eyes and say’s these heart melting words mommy I love you so, so, so, so, so, so, much. I think wow what am I doing to get him to say such sweet words to me. Be happy also means making sure the people around you can feel the happiness beaming off of you. It makes me wonder if I was around when Jesus walk the earth would I feel his happiness beam off of him. Yes today may be Monday and yes most people hate Mondays but that’s ok because I am happy today even though my morning started off pretty bad and I have a massive headache and still have tons to do afterwards. But I have joy in my heart with a ray of warmth from the heavens. 

Story with crazy words

Oh how glorious it would be to take a drive to Kansas. We get into my tank and start down the road. I started off chipper and silly like with my manpanion who was fallacious about the wabbit on loony tones. He was uber about it and his logic was wonky. Indubitably he was freakin annoying me. He knew I was starting to get hodor with the subject and I was feeling blue. He seen it was turning into a disquieting kind of day. Then he became cautious as my last words to him was bet. As the sun was beaming into the window he starts to widdle with his knife with the maroon handle.  The precious cargo in the back seat wakes and was being adorbs as the started talking about the puppy that I got them. My boyfriend warmly put his arm around me which made my day end pulchritudinous.

Stress on life

I find myself in stressful everyday life satiation's and yet in most of them I feel really calm. I had no clue that I was already doing the things that she was talking about. For example, the place where I live dose quarterly inspections and my house is really bad in the organization department. I was stressing over this because I had short time to do it plus with both of my kids on top of that. But I stayed calm and got it done.

I am having a conflict with some girls at church being fake towards me. I would rather them be honest with me and tell me they don’t like me instead of portending that they do care and are willing to be there for me. In all reality I have never in the year and a half that I have been going to this church have ever had people show this so called care ness towards me when I really need it the most. I have tried to ask them to come hang out but get nothing in return. I really am to the point to where I am just going to give up on trying to have friends because I am better off being by myself then being around fake people. But the hardest thing for me to do is let them know how they are making me feel. I have major panics attacks with just the thought of talking to them or anyone about the problem. There is a few ladies that I would love to trust but one seems to only call me when she needs something and I understand with the other two that they have a busy life we all do really. Just once I wish I could make real friends that are females instead of having guy friends. I don’t know why I seem to get along with guys better than I do females.

Sabrina you are just over thinking this and I am sorry that you feel this way but that is not what’s going on at all. The reason you are feeling this way is for the fact that you are holding us to a higher expectation of what we really are. We care about you because we are Christians and that’s what we are supposed to do. If you ever need us just please text or call us whenever and we will answer. And I will be sure to text you and see how you are doing? I will also be praying for you I hope you get to feeling better soon. Remember I love you and I am here for you. I will talk to you later.

As I am here watching as everything goes on I can see what is really being said. This poor girl just really wants friends but her every step gets ignored or pushed aside like yesterday garbage. These girls are lying to her face saying they are there for here but not once made those steps. Oh she is trying to get girls to go have lunch with her and her kids after church but oh wait they all ditched her when she walked away to go get her kids. Poor girl never even had a word said to her. Oh there is that I am better then you and I will prove it girl having a surprised party at her with-out inviting her. 

Some food for thought

My unique approach to this life is a lot better and rewarding then the way it was before. I have more love for the unlovable I care beyond all measures. There is a new love in me that just over flows unto anyone who is near me. I care deeper for the same things in life. What made me go from depression and wanting to end my life to always cheerful and bright and loving my life the way it is now. Jesus the one who gave his life to save mine. Changed me from the inside out.

My thoughts on "The Heart and The Fist"

I think the purpose of the text is to give insight on different aspects of life. Growing up thinking something is one way instead only to find out it’s really not like that. It shows us that whatever we tell our children without further explaining it to them as to why we are saying it then grow up thinking it’s one way instead of another way. Like in the book he was told that in college that’s when life really starts that’s where you learn all lives secrets and then when he got there is wasn't like he thought it was. Then he believed that his hole childhood he was lied too. That makes me think if me saying what I am saying to my kids and if I am stating it clear enough for him to understand it.